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Narratives such as “they’re not your real parents,” “they’re not actually your child,” are pervasive and greatly diminish the true, love-filled experiences of adoptive families such as Sarah and Isabell, who stand as powerful reminders that family is much, much more than just a matter of blood.
In a vast swath of cultures around the globe, there exists a very narrow view on what the word family means. To many people, the idea of family is synonymous with the notion of being blood-related to someone else, regardless of however distant they may be. As such, rather than love and care defining who counts as our family, many cultures often reduce our kinship ties to a matter of genetics. It is easy to see how such a paradigm can contribute to the stigma surrounding adoption. Narratives such as “they’re not your real parents,” “they’re not actually your child,” are pervasive and greatly diminish the true, love-filled experiences of adoptive families such as Sarah and Isabell, who stand as powerful reminders that family is much, much more than just a matter of blood.
Originally, Sarah and Isabell didn’t think that adoption would be what would fulfil their desire of having a family. Being raised in a household that fostered multiple young children, Sarah recalls the challenges experienced by her parents as they endeavoured to lovingly parent and connect with children who could never be their own. She remembers not only the suffering of her parents, but also the suffering of the foster children themselves who often had traumas of their own. Witnessing these things left an indelible mark on her. The second-hand experience with the difficulties foster-parenting coupled with being situated in a broader culture that mystifies, and even stigmatises adoption, culminated in Sarah marrying the ideas of fostering and adoption together. Since educational resources about adoption in our culture are presently limited, equating fostering to adoption is common. Such misinformation deters many individuals like Isabell and Sarah from pursuing adoption and building loving families by keeping the stories of adoptive families, birth parents, and adopted persons sidelined. As such, it is crucial that we advocate and raise awareness of the life-changing love afforded by the adoptive process.
Not knowing what adoption entailed, the couple embarked on a years-long journey in hopes of getting pregnant. However, after seven years of unsuccessful fertility treatments, the dream of having a child appeared to be further away than ever. This experience of dashed hopes is a common one among adoptive parents and can be utterly gutting. In fact, Sarah and Isabell recall reaching a point in their fertility journey in which they figured that having a family was simply not their lot in life, that they weren’t meant to have a child. Amidst this sense of loss, Isabell and Sarah began considering the possibility of adopting a child. Given the widespread lack of awareness about this process, Isabell dove into rigorously researching what adoption would look like, what it would mean, and whether it was the right choice for herself and Sarah. Isabell’s research was so comprehensive that, to this day, Sarah jokes that she received a Powerpoint presentation chock full of details, information, and reasons why open adoption, specifically, could be a good fit for them. Invigorated with hope and a new understanding of the positive reality of open adoption, Isabell and Sarah began their adoption journey.
The connection was instantaneous, and the four of them talked for hours. Following their initial meeting, both couples began frequently messaging each other and meeting for dinner to deepen their relationship, get to know one another, and understand their collective hopes for the future.
The first step along this winding, beautifully complicated path was attending an educational seminar through their selected adoption agency. Huddled together in front of their laptop amidst the craziness of the COVID-19 pandemic, the couple had a profound breakthrough following the testimonial of an adoptive family. Like Sarah and Isabell, many potential adoptive parents worry that the ability to bond with an adopted child is less than with a child that is biologically theirs. The adoptive mother who gave her testimony during the seminar expressed that she felt this trepidation when considering adoption, especially since she and her husband already had a biological child. However, when taking their adopted daughter in their arms for the first time at the hospital, gazing upon her face and hearing the words, “ here you go, Mom,” the adoptive mother explained that she felt an overwhelming sensation of love, the deepest of connections. This baby girl was their child.
Sarah remembers sobbing when hearing this family’s testimonial. This was the sign she and Isabell needed; this was the greenlight to dive whole-heartedly into the process and give their everything. Sarah and Isabell were all in. From there, the couple completed their home study and in a matter of months were on a waitlist. With their nursery ready, Sarah and Isabell patiently waited until one day an unknown number called Sarah’s phone. She remembers the exact words that came through, the excitement and confusion of that moment, and running up the stairs to get Isabell. With both of them on the line, Isabell and Sarah were totally mystified as the social worker informed them that they had been matched with a birth couple that wanted to meet them. They were left in an excited daze wondering, “how is this real?” Shortly thereafter, Isabell and Sarah met with Oakley and Kyle, the birth parents of their soon to be daughter, Rose. The connection was instantaneous, and the four of them talked for hours. Following their initial meeting, both couples began frequently messaging each other and meeting for dinner to deepen their relationship, get to know one another, and understand their collective hopes for the future. The connection was so strong between them that, to this day, the five of them meet once a month to connect with and be present for Rose as she grows. Their group chat is endearingly called, “Team Rose”; a namesake for the fact that they are her cheerleaders for life.
In a matter of months following their initial meeting, Isabell and Sarah received the call that Oakley was in labour. They recall being present for the entirety of Rose’s birth as the most incredible experience they have had in their lives. From holding Rose for the first time to everyone staying the night in the same hospital room, the love, the sincerity, the thoughtfulness, and selflessness that defined those days was profound. A new family was formed around little Rose, one that is defined by neither blood nor relation, but by love.
A new family was formed around little Rose, one that is defined by neither blood nor relation, but by love.
We are looking for Birth Parents to share their stories and help educate Albertans on the impact of adoption.
